See One, Try One, Do One

Sgt.: Attention! Alright, you maggots! We’re heading up into the night sky. At 15,000 feet, you’re going to jump out of that door and float through the air like a feather with a brick tied to it! When you finish blubbering and find your rip cord, you will pull it and deploy your parachute! Or you will panic and give the earth a firm embrace. Just in case that happens, I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are almost as dear to the army as those three-hundred dollar helmets that you are wearing! Need I remind you ladies that you are expendable! If you choke on this mission we will have a replacement for you in five minutes. Is that clear?

ALL: Crystal clear, sir!

Sgt.: Rooney!

ROONEY: Yes, sir!

Sgt.: Are you ready to look death in eye with a big toothy grin?

ROONEY: I brushed and flossed this morning for just such an occasion, sir!

Sgt.: That’s what I want to hear! On this practice mission, your objective will be to jump from the plane to the ground under cover of night, preferably utilizing your chute at some point before impact. After that you will rendezvous with Bravo Company at the specified location.

SMITH: What then, sir?

Sgt.: You will be given your orders at the rendezvous point. You know that, soldier! You are on a need to know basis only! Just who do you think you are?

SMITH: I’m a greasy grimy maggot, sir!

Sgt: And don’t you forget it! I’m going to the cockpit. Be ready to jump in 5 minutes! (EXITS)

SMITH: (with his best imitation of the SGT) “Just who do you think you are?”

DAVIS: “A greasy grimy maggot, sir!”

SMITH: Stow it, Davis! You’re not looking forward to this anymore than I am!

DAVIS: I know. What were we thinking when we volunteered for this outfit?

ROONEY: No guts, no glory, guys. It’s really simple. All we have to do is what we were trained to do: Jump out of the plane, pull the cord, and tuck and roll when you hit the ground.

SMITH: That’s easy for you to say, you’ve done this already! I mean, we can’t even see where we’re falling to.

DAVIS: The ground.

SMITH: But you can’t even see it!

DAVIS: Trust me it’s there.

ROONEY: Oh, come on, fellas, you knew this was coming. Remember, what they told us: See one, try one, do one. See somebody do it. Try it yourself with close supervision and then do it! That’s where you’re at. It’s time to do it!

DAVIS: Yeah, but when we tried it, it was off a 200 ft. tower with a bungi cord. This is different. It’s night time. Now, we’re jumping 15,000 feet into the unknown!

ROONEY: It’s not the unknown, the sarge just told you what’s down there—Bravo company and further orders!

SMITH: But we can’t see that from here!

ROONEY: If the sarge says it’s there, it’s there.

DAVIS: But what if we don’t make it?

ROONEY: To the ground? Oh, you’ll make it to the ground. Everybody makes it to the ground. Some quicker than others.

SMITH: Oh, that’s reassuring. I don’t know. I just don’t think that I’m ready for this! It’s just not my time.

ROONEY: When will the right time be if not now? You’re as trained as you need to be. The only thing left is to start doing it. You’re not going to feel any more confident about the first time than now.

DAVIS: Excuse me. Aren’t you forgetting about the huge margin for error? If I don’t tuck my legs correctly, I could swallow my kneecaps.

ROONEY: Probably. Better make sure that you tuck your legs correctly, then.

SMITH: I can’t do this. I just can’t.

ROONEY: Yes you can. This is what you’ve been trained to do! If you don’t apply what you’ve learned then all the training was for nothing. I remember how much you were looking forward this when you signed up. You too, Davis! “We'll float down on Bravo company like angels from heaven!” That’s what you said.

DAVIS: That was before I truly realized what a leap of faith this is…

ROONEY: Yes, it is a leap of faith…but where does that faith lie? In yourselves? You have been given the best training possible for this. The sarge has done this hundreds of times and has trained hundreds more. Have faith in the preparation that has been given to you. You didn’t just volunteer for this mission…you were selected.

DAVIS & SMITH: Wha?

ROONEY: Didn’t you know? The mission was only offered to those who could do it. They wouldn’t have let you up in this plane if they thought that you couldn’t do it.

DAVIS: That doesn’t jive. The sarge just said that we were expendable.

ROONEY: Yup, chosen to be expendable ... just like the sarge was!
....................................................................................

© Eric Stapleton, All rights reserved

This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: eric@melodrameric.com

Crazy Viv

INT. BASEMENT -- DAY

LIGHTS UP

THIS IS A MUSTY BASEMENT BUT IT IS WELL STOCKED WITH FOOD AND PROVISIONS. DOLAN SITS WITH SOME FOOD SUPPLIES AROUND HIM AND STACKS OF BRICKS. THERE IS A FRESHLY BUILT (BUT NOT COMPLETED) BRICK WALL SURROUNDING HIM THREE QUARTERS OF THE WAY. HIS HANDS ARE ICKY WITH WET CEMENT (MORTAR). HE IS SITTING.

DOLAN
Have you ever heard of Crazy Viv?
(pause for response)
Oh, yeah, well she used to live in the corner apartment. I'm surprised you haven't heard of her. Basketcase. Of course you don't live around here probably. Well, anyway one night we hear this screaming outside. This old battle-axe comes running out of her apartment buck naked screaming, "You can't leave me, you can't leave me!" She didn't even care about who was watching.
(pause for question)
Some guy of course. It's always some guy when a woman acts that crazy. I think there was a revolving door for an entrance to her apartment.
(pause for question)
It's just an expression. I mean this lady obviously had a serious case of the stupids. I don't know for sure how many guys went in and out of her door, but anyone whose willing to do something that nuts over a guy, there's something wrong up there you know. I'll bet she had that cosmic clutch thing going on there.
(pause for question)
Cosmic clutch? That's when a person clings so tight onto another emotionally that it's suffocating. It's pathetic.
(puts another brick on the wall)
That's weakness. I don't want to be no Joey Bagalucci.
(pause for question)
He was my boy. We used to hang together, you know. He met some chick though. I mean thas cool, ya know. But she was just after his money an all though. Yeah, six months later she's not returning his phone calls. Gets herself some TV producer new boyfriend guy. Poor Joey thought he was in love with her. Six months? He got all stupid over a chick in six months?
(puts another brick in the wall)

DOLAN continues to lay bricks as if no one else is in the room. He seems to be thinking about something.

DOLAN CONT’D
Oh. Sorry, just trying to get this done here. Joey, well, he jumped off the bridge a few months back.
(pause)
Yeah, well, you know. I got other friends. That's just the way it goes though, people come in and out of your life. The idea is you can't hold on too tightly because sooner or later they're going to say goodbye. Or not say goodbye. Who wants to be remembered like Crazy Viv anyways? Runnin' after some guy or girl because they broke your heart. Who needs it? Not me. I got all I need right here. Got my cable TV, supplies, a toilet back there, and I can even call you when I want a pizza.
(pause for response)
Married? Once upon a time, yeah, I was married. I was young and foolish. I've grown wiser with age though. Speaking of pizza, how much do I owe you there?
(pause while DOLAN gets cash out of pocket)
Here you go. Keep the change. Yeah, I'm sure I'll call you again, but not because I'm lonely. I got everything I need right here. Hey, can you hand me another brick before you leave?

Dolan freezes in position while . . .

LIGHTS FADE OUT