Excerpt from JUST ANOTHER ROBOT play

TAROKUN I'm...bored and lonely.

EGO What?

TAROKUN

Bored! There's nothing to do, no one to do it with and no time with which to do it. I need a change of pace. Maybe I should get a new apartment.

EGO

What good is that going to do you? I don't know, it would be newer, cleaner than this place.

EGO

This place was once newer and cleaner.

TAROKUN

I just want to start over though, get a new perspective on life or something, make some new friends.

EGO

What's wrong with the friends you have now?

TAROKUN

They don't have time for me. Or maybe I don't have time for them. They work like I do. I feel like just another robot. I go to work at 8 o'clock and I get off at 6. I'm too tired or hung over to do anything on the weekends. Besides, Yuki got married, Haruo got moved by his company to Yokohama and Kyoshi has a new girlfriend. There's no one left.

EGO

But don't you have a few drinks afterwards with the guys at work sometimes?

TAROKUN

They are not my friends though. They are my co-workers and my boss. I have to go. That's not friendship, that's networking, that's "nomunication," part of my job. I'll never get a promotion if I don't go out with them.

EGO

What about that young lady you went on a date with last month? You haven't called her in a while. Why not?

TAROKUN

Hmmm. Could that be because she looks like a horse and laughs like a seal? Besides, she's boring.

EGO

What do you mean by boring?

TAROKUN She never does anything interesting.

EGO Oh, you mean kind of like--

TAROKUN

Don't say it!

EGO YOU?

TAROKUN

(just looks and Ego for a beat or two and then hangs his head in his hands)

EGO

What do you want?

TAROKUN

(standing) I want...I don't know what I want exactly. I just feel lonely that's all.

EGO

What would your life look like if you weren't lonely? Appearing not to listen,

[Taro picks up the remote control and turns on the TV and sits down again.]

TAROKUN

It might look like that. See how happy they are? They have a new apartment with new appliances. (switches station) These guys are happy about pizza. (switches station) There, that man, now he looks happy.

EGO

(reads like an announcer from a commercial) Maybe if you drove the car he's driving, drank the tea he's drinking, you'd have the girl he's having and you'd be happy, too.

TAROKUN

But that's not real! I know that's not real!

EGO

What is real?

THE END

See One, Try One, Do One

Sgt.: Attention! Alright, you maggots! We’re heading up into the night sky. At 15,000 feet, you’re going to jump out of that door and float through the air like a feather with a brick tied to it! When you finish blubbering and find your rip cord, you will pull it and deploy your parachute! Or you will panic and give the earth a firm embrace. Just in case that happens, I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are almost as dear to the army as those three-hundred dollar helmets that you are wearing! Need I remind you ladies that you are expendable! If you choke on this mission we will have a replacement for you in five minutes. Is that clear?

ALL: Crystal clear, sir!

Sgt.: Rooney!

ROONEY: Yes, sir!

Sgt.: Are you ready to look death in eye with a big toothy grin?

ROONEY: I brushed and flossed this morning for just such an occasion, sir!

Sgt.: That’s what I want to hear! On this practice mission, your objective will be to jump from the plane to the ground under cover of night, preferably utilizing your chute at some point before impact. After that you will rendezvous with Bravo Company at the specified location.

SMITH: What then, sir?

Sgt.: You will be given your orders at the rendezvous point. You know that, soldier! You are on a need to know basis only! Just who do you think you are?

SMITH: I’m a greasy grimy maggot, sir!

Sgt: And don’t you forget it! I’m going to the cockpit. Be ready to jump in 5 minutes! (EXITS)

SMITH: (with his best imitation of the SGT) “Just who do you think you are?”

DAVIS: “A greasy grimy maggot, sir!”

SMITH: Stow it, Davis! You’re not looking forward to this anymore than I am!

DAVIS: I know. What were we thinking when we volunteered for this outfit?

ROONEY: No guts, no glory, guys. It’s really simple. All we have to do is what we were trained to do: Jump out of the plane, pull the cord, and tuck and roll when you hit the ground.

SMITH: That’s easy for you to say, you’ve done this already! I mean, we can’t even see where we’re falling to.

DAVIS: The ground.

SMITH: But you can’t even see it!

DAVIS: Trust me it’s there.

ROONEY: Oh, come on, fellas, you knew this was coming. Remember, what they told us: See one, try one, do one. See somebody do it. Try it yourself with close supervision and then do it! That’s where you’re at. It’s time to do it!

DAVIS: Yeah, but when we tried it, it was off a 200 ft. tower with a bungi cord. This is different. It’s night time. Now, we’re jumping 15,000 feet into the unknown!

ROONEY: It’s not the unknown, the sarge just told you what’s down there—Bravo company and further orders!

SMITH: But we can’t see that from here!

ROONEY: If the sarge says it’s there, it’s there.

DAVIS: But what if we don’t make it?

ROONEY: To the ground? Oh, you’ll make it to the ground. Everybody makes it to the ground. Some quicker than others.

SMITH: Oh, that’s reassuring. I don’t know. I just don’t think that I’m ready for this! It’s just not my time.

ROONEY: When will the right time be if not now? You’re as trained as you need to be. The only thing left is to start doing it. You’re not going to feel any more confident about the first time than now.

DAVIS: Excuse me. Aren’t you forgetting about the huge margin for error? If I don’t tuck my legs correctly, I could swallow my kneecaps.

ROONEY: Probably. Better make sure that you tuck your legs correctly, then.

SMITH: I can’t do this. I just can’t.

ROONEY: Yes you can. This is what you’ve been trained to do! If you don’t apply what you’ve learned then all the training was for nothing. I remember how much you were looking forward this when you signed up. You too, Davis! “We'll float down on Bravo company like angels from heaven!” That’s what you said.

DAVIS: That was before I truly realized what a leap of faith this is…

ROONEY: Yes, it is a leap of faith…but where does that faith lie? In yourselves? You have been given the best training possible for this. The sarge has done this hundreds of times and has trained hundreds more. Have faith in the preparation that has been given to you. You didn’t just volunteer for this mission…you were selected.

DAVIS & SMITH: Wha?

ROONEY: Didn’t you know? The mission was only offered to those who could do it. They wouldn’t have let you up in this plane if they thought that you couldn’t do it.

DAVIS: That doesn’t jive. The sarge just said that we were expendable.

ROONEY: Yup, chosen to be expendable ... just like the sarge was!
....................................................................................

© Eric Stapleton, All rights reserved

This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: eric@melodrameric.com

Crazy Viv

INT. BASEMENT -- DAY

LIGHTS UP

THIS IS A MUSTY BASEMENT BUT IT IS WELL STOCKED WITH FOOD AND PROVISIONS. DOLAN SITS WITH SOME FOOD SUPPLIES AROUND HIM AND STACKS OF BRICKS. THERE IS A FRESHLY BUILT (BUT NOT COMPLETED) BRICK WALL SURROUNDING HIM THREE QUARTERS OF THE WAY. HIS HANDS ARE ICKY WITH WET CEMENT (MORTAR). HE IS SITTING.

DOLAN
Have you ever heard of Crazy Viv?
(pause for response)
Oh, yeah, well she used to live in the corner apartment. I'm surprised you haven't heard of her. Basketcase. Of course you don't live around here probably. Well, anyway one night we hear this screaming outside. This old battle-axe comes running out of her apartment buck naked screaming, "You can't leave me, you can't leave me!" She didn't even care about who was watching.
(pause for question)
Some guy of course. It's always some guy when a woman acts that crazy. I think there was a revolving door for an entrance to her apartment.
(pause for question)
It's just an expression. I mean this lady obviously had a serious case of the stupids. I don't know for sure how many guys went in and out of her door, but anyone whose willing to do something that nuts over a guy, there's something wrong up there you know. I'll bet she had that cosmic clutch thing going on there.
(pause for question)
Cosmic clutch? That's when a person clings so tight onto another emotionally that it's suffocating. It's pathetic.
(puts another brick on the wall)
That's weakness. I don't want to be no Joey Bagalucci.
(pause for question)
He was my boy. We used to hang together, you know. He met some chick though. I mean thas cool, ya know. But she was just after his money an all though. Yeah, six months later she's not returning his phone calls. Gets herself some TV producer new boyfriend guy. Poor Joey thought he was in love with her. Six months? He got all stupid over a chick in six months?
(puts another brick in the wall)

DOLAN continues to lay bricks as if no one else is in the room. He seems to be thinking about something.

DOLAN CONT’D
Oh. Sorry, just trying to get this done here. Joey, well, he jumped off the bridge a few months back.
(pause)
Yeah, well, you know. I got other friends. That's just the way it goes though, people come in and out of your life. The idea is you can't hold on too tightly because sooner or later they're going to say goodbye. Or not say goodbye. Who wants to be remembered like Crazy Viv anyways? Runnin' after some guy or girl because they broke your heart. Who needs it? Not me. I got all I need right here. Got my cable TV, supplies, a toilet back there, and I can even call you when I want a pizza.
(pause for response)
Married? Once upon a time, yeah, I was married. I was young and foolish. I've grown wiser with age though. Speaking of pizza, how much do I owe you there?
(pause while DOLAN gets cash out of pocket)
Here you go. Keep the change. Yeah, I'm sure I'll call you again, but not because I'm lonely. I got everything I need right here. Hey, can you hand me another brick before you leave?

Dolan freezes in position while . . .

LIGHTS FADE OUT

The Napkin Man

DENNY'S -- MORNING

FUMI is sitting at the table with his coffee. The WAITER and the COOK are standing off to the side.

WAITER

Oh, it's him again.

COOK

The weeper?

WAITER

Yeah, he just comes in here and cries into his coffee. I go through half a package of napkins a night on this guy.

COOK

Why?

WAITER

He cries into the napkins, blubbering that that he's lost his way or something. He's been used up. He says God is done with him.

COOK

Well, it looks like he brought something to read today.

WAITER

That would be his Bible. He pours over it looking for a clue.

COOK

Does he tip good?

WAITER

WELL. Does he tip WELL?

COOK

I don't know, I'm asking you.

WAITER

Nevermind. OK, I guess, but it's depressing. The poor Japanese guy thinks he wants to be a pastor but he doesn't have a church.

COOK

I didn't even know Japan had churches. I thought they were all Hindu.

WAITER

Buddhist.

COOK

Same dif.

WAITER

Anyway, he came here to Hawaii to be refreshed. He thought maybe the sunshine and the beauty of this place would refresh his heart.

COOK

Did it work?

WAITER

No.

COOK

Speaking of refreshing, he looks like he needs his coffee topped off. Better bring some extra napkins.

WAITER crosses to FUMI. He sets down the napkins and starts to pour the coffee, but FUMI stops his hand and looks up at him with a smiling face.

FUMI

I won't need your paper towels today. I found my way.

WAITER

Really? In there?

FUMI

No, in here.

(points to his heart)

WAITER

I see.

(rolls his eyes)

FUMI

God hasn't given up on me. I was reminded by the stones.

WAITER

Oh, yeah, I listened to The Rolling Stones, also. I also smoked some pretty serious--

FUMI

(standing)

No, the boundary stones. I needed to look back at the boundary stones I've placed in my life to memorialize what God has done.

WAITER

Yeah.

(starts to back away)

I've gotta another customer to get to.

FUMI

God hasn't given up on me! God hasn't given up on me! He told me so! He has a plan and a vision for my life.

(quickly gathers his belonging from the table and exits the restaurant)

WAITER blows through his lips and rolls his eyes. COOK crosses over to WAITER.

COOK

He seemed excited.

WAITER

Nutso, that one.

COOK

Why do you say so?

WAITER

Acting like that in a Denny's at four in the morning.

COOK

How would you act if you received a vision from God?

Joseph in Egypt . . . Still

JOSEPH: OK, so I might have been a little arrogant.

INMATE: A little?

JOSEPH: OK, so maybe a lot. But then you wouldn’t believe what happened next.

INMATE: Probably not, but let me guess, you’re going to tell me, anyway.

JOSEPH: (unfazed by this last comment) Here, I was thinking that God was going to deliver me from the well.

INMATE: You’re here aren’t you? You must not be in the well anymore.

JOSEPH: He did but not the way that I thought that he would. My brothers pulled me out of the well only to sell me into slavery to a bunch of hairy Ishmaelites. Then I thought God had let me down again. But then when I got to Egypt, I was sold to Potiphar and it was all good. I had the run of Potiphar’s house. I wasn’t ruler over my brothers or anything like that, but I didn’t care. Everything was going smooth but then this dude’s wife tries to offer me household privileges.

INMATE: Household privileges?

JOSEPH: You know? Household privileges. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean, know what I mean?

INMATE: Oh. (gets it) OH! His wife? That’s pretty tricky business. Did you? You know…

JOSEPH: Land of the dead, no! I would not sleep with another man’s wife and so disgrace the name of my God. I shunned her advances and being scorned she said that I approached her! So I was thrown into prison just like that! I wasn’t even guilty.

INMATE: Oh. Well it doesn’t sound like your god is on the ball. You are still in jail.

JOSEPH: My God is still with me! I’m treated well here. Did you see what God has allowed me to do while I’ve been here? The Pharoah’s baker and wine steward came to me and God gave me the interpretations for their dreams. Was not the baker hung? Was not the wine steward restored to his position? I might be still waiting for God’s promise to be fulfilled, but in the meantime, He will still allow me to do good where I am at.

INMATE: OK, that was a pretty nifty trick with interpreting those guys’ dreams, but soothsayers come at a shekel a dozen around here and besides, so what. What’s important is that you be able to interpret your own dreams. Here’s the name of my god (hands JOSEPH a business card). I usually bow down before his statue at sunset, burn a little incense and…

Excerpt from Any Day Now by Eric Stapleton. Copyright 2006, all rights reserved.

Dirty Laundry--a short, six minute drama

Summary:
Two women meet in a Laundromat. One is joyful the other downtrodden. The conversation that ensues invites the audience to reflect that God’s grace and mercy extend to his fallen children as well.

Cast
Tanya
Nancy

Script
(Scene: A Laundromat. A woman (NANCY) is folding her laundry while humming a recognizable hymn or spiritual chorus. Another woman enters (TANYA) and starts to sort her clothes in her laundry basket.)

TANYA: (starts to look at NANCY quizzically) I know you, don’t I?

NANCY: Wha?

TANYA: I recognize you from somewhere.

NANCY: I don’t remember meeting you, but my name is Nancy, Nancy Thomas, nice to meet you (offers hand).

TANYA: (oblivious to offer of hand) No, that doesn’t ring a bell. (goes back to sorting her laundry)

NANCY: (little befuddled goes back to folding her laundry and humming that still familiar tune)

TANYA: (loudly) That’s it!

NANCY: (startled) That’s what?

TANYA: I remember where I recognize you from. I recognize you from Church. I recognized that tune you were humming.

NANCY: Oh, you mean (insert favorite hymn). Yes, that’s one of my favorites. What’s your favorite?

TANYA: Oh, well I really don’t sing except for on Sunday like everyone else.

NANCY: Yeah, I’m no Judy Garland myself. I’m so glad that I can worship Him besides singing, aren’t you?

TANYA: (not really getting it) Yeah, like I said, I’m there Sunday like everyone else.

NANCY: (a little starry eyed) Isn’t it a beautiful day?

TANYA: (pause, looks at NANCY, looks out the window) It’s raining.

NANCY: (same cheerful disposition) Yeah. Isn’t it great?

TANYA: Sure. (whatever)

NANCY: Hallelujah! (as she shows off a whiter than white, white) Will you look at how white that is!

TANYA: Yeah, it sure is.

NANCY: You know what it reminds me of?

TANYA: No, what?

NANCY: Well…God…you know?

TANYA: You mean because it’s white?

NANCY: Remember the song? “White as snow, white as snow, now I’m clean and forgiven…”
TANYA: Oh yeah.


NANCY: (she is so inspired that she has to write that insight down) Mmm. Mmm. (still writing….TANYA is beginning to wonder about this one)

NANCY: You know what else?

TANYA: No, what? (getting slightly annoyed)

NANCY: Well, it’s like the detergent is the Christ’s blood and the water is the Holy Spirit and the power behind the washing machine is God, the Father.

TANYA: Is that all you ever think about? God?

NANCY: I try to worship my God in everything that I do.

TANYA: So do I, on Sunday, like everyone else.

NANCY: (tuning in a little more) Well you know, you don’t have to wait until Sunday to worship. You can worship God every day of the week!

TANYA: Oh, well you know, I don’t feel all that inspired to worship the Lord everyday. I’m a single mom just getting by and I don’t like rainy days and I hate my job—

NANCY: That’s the best kind of worship, when it’s a sacrifice to give it. I’m a single mom also, and I’m not too fond of rainy days either. It’s just that rainy days and sunny days alike remind me that I have this day to be thankful to the Lord for bringing me out of where I was at five years ago.

TANYA: Where were you at five years ago?

NANCY: I was just divorced. My husband was an attorney and knew how to work the system to where I got nothing except my child. He successfully persuaded the judge that I was an unfaithful wife and that the child was not his and that he owed me no alimony or support for the child.

TANYA: What a creep!

NANCY: That may be, but at least he was an honest creep. You see, I really was an unfaithful wife and the child wasn’t his. I had nowhere to turn. The real father of the child wanted nothing to do with me when he found out I was pregnant. I deserved what I got.

TANYA: So, you came to church and found out about Jesus and got saved, right?

NANCY: No. You see, I was already saved. I had done all this as a child of God. I knew better. I was afraid to come back.

TANYA: (turns away…she has her own guilt weighing her down) Oh. (she clutches on to soiled clothing)

NANCY: But I found out that Jesus still had grace left for me. I needed to be reminded that Jesus died for the sins that I committed while I was his child as well. I had no idea how far I could fall even as a child of God. I found out.

TANYA: (looking down) That must’ve been hard.

NANCY: Yes, it was. But once I realized that I was forgiven again and all that was behind me again in God’s eyes and that he still loved me when no one else would, how could I not want to give myself completely to HIM!

TANYA: And that’s why you worship God in everything that you do.

NANCY: Yes. Thanks for talking to me! (gathering her last few items of laundry and throwing them in the basket) I forget that I had so much to be forgiven and had dug myself into such a deep pit and Jesus got me out of it!

TANYA: Like everyone else.

....................................................................................
© Eric Stapleton, All rights reserved This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: eric@melodrameric.com

The Nature Worshipper

MARK: Oh, yeah well, of course we wouldn’t need beer at church. I mean heck, I don’t even really need it here. Just a cold one ever’ once in awhile to warsh dem tater chips down. You know? I’m sure God could appreciate that with that miracle he did with the water and the wine and all. Yeah, well you see…it’s like this...I got this great property out by this here lake. The weather has been perfect these last few weeks and I just don’t know how much longer the weather is going to be this nice. I’ve got to enjoy it while I can. I’m sure God can understand. I’ll get to church sometime. I figure that I’m worshipin’ God in my heart while I’m enjoying all this nature.

Copyright 2001 Eric Stapleton. All rights reserved.